apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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