Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize