My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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