He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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