We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
