I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
