I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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