But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
