areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
