I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
