Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize