So drunk, too bad you don't want this
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
