He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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