It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
