Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
