Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
