I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
