She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize