fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Ladies don't puke and tell
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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