She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
