Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
