I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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