I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize