I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
