she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
