i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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