nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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