I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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