Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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