I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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