yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I FOUND THE LEGS
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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