Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize