My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
