My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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