You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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