And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
