My hand turned me down
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
