wakey wakey hands off snakey
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
