if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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