I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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