My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
