That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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