Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
