Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
