Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just invented taco cereal.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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