I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
