he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
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its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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