About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize