Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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