Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
