my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
