i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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