Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
