fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
