can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
