Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
