I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
