i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
